In some ways, you have to admire someone who has a giant ego. While most of us beat ourselves up for even the most trivial mistakes, these people manage to ignore swaths of evidence to the contrary and maintain their elevated opinion of themselves.
Sounds pretty good, honestly.
The problem? With a big ego comes the potential for conflict — big ego conflict. It’s hard to manage someone who already thinks they’re perfect.
So, how do you handle them? In her LinkedIn Learning course, Coaching Employees Through Difficult Situations, Elizabeth McLeod explains what you can do if you find yourself managing someone with a big ego.
How to resolve a big ego conflict in the workplace
Say there’s an area where you see room for improvement in someone you manage, but that person has a massive ego. McLeod suggests approaching the conversation in this way:
1. Start the conversation with a compliment
People with big egos love flattery. Leading with something positive is a sure way to defuse an ego-based conflict before it starts. Acknowledge one of their strengths, praise them for the progress they’ve made, and they’ll be much more open to what you have to say next.
The challenge here is to avoid sounding insincere with the praise. We’ve all heard of the “compliment sandwich,” which is the idea that you should begin and end a critique with compliments.
If your praise doesn’t seem genuine, an employee with a big ego is likely to raise their defenses. It’s best to put as much effort into the praise as you do the critique — make sure you’re praising something substantial that the person has a right to be proud of.
2. Frame the improvement as going from good to great, instead of bad to average
Say the employee is really poor at analyzing data, but they think it’s one of their greatest strengths. If you approach the conversation with “You are bad at this and need to improve,” they’ll likely get defensive. None of us like to hear we’re bad at something, but that’s especially true for someone with a substantial ego.
Instead, frame the conversation as “You’re good at this/you have a natural talent for this, but there’s room to improve to become truly great.” That way, you can still offer an opportunity for them to improve without having to admit a fault.
3. Most importantly, agree on a clear next step
The two tips listed above are setting the table for this last suggestion: Always get a commitment on next steps when you’re dealing with an employee with a big ego.
If you don’t have a firm commitment — in writing, preferably — this employee probably won’t change. After all, they may already think what they’re doing is good enough. It will be easy for them to shrug off any informal criticism and go back to the status quo.
With a clear commitment on specific next steps, however, they’re far more likely to change their behavior. Before you start your conversation, have the next step you’d like your employee to take firmly in mind. Then, make sure you agree on a plan for taking that step before the conversation’s over.
Want to learn how to coach other types of difficult employees? Watch Lisa and Elizabeth McLeod’s full course, Coaching Employees Through Difficult Situations.
And if you’re interested in learning more about communication, management, and working through tough situations in the workplace, check out these other helpful LinkedIn Learning courses:
Topics: Productivity tips
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